Peter Parker is a whiny bitch

"Hi, Peter Parker? Yeah, hi, it's me, Dave."
"Hi Dave. Uh, what's up?"
"Well, Peter, I have been thinking. I know that your life is really hard and stuff, but I think that you might be less poor and broke and unhappy all the time if you used your awesome super-powers to hold down a job other than 'cub photographer for newspaper run by raving lunatic who hates my alter-ego.' Or at least joined the paying Avengers."
"But that runs entirely counter to all of my principles. When my uncle died I realized that with great power comes great responsibility, which is why I live my life in service to community, science, and family."
"Which is why you're constantly unhappy."
"My happiness is unimportant."
"Oh, I beg to differ my friend - "
"Besides, I am happy! I love being a scientist. I get to fuck Mary Jane Parker. My Aunt May is much less boring than she is in the movies. Well, okay, not *much* less boring. But she's pretty cool for an old broad."
"And your best friend, who happens to be the son of your greatest enemy (who killed your first, kind of hotter girlfriend, if only because she was pre-JMS less slutty) went crazy and became your fifth or sixth worst enemy. And then your new best friend (who might be a Skrull) turned out to be a megalomaniacal "futurist" who decided for mostly incoherent reasons that a superhero registration program was totally not fascist, and then convinced you to give up your heretofore precious secret identity. Which led to your still totally boring Aunt getting shot. Wow."
"You know, I'm beginning to wonder what the point is of listening to you go on and on about how crappy my life is, Dave."
"Well, that isn't how I meant for this to go. I meant to let you know that you should cheer up. That your life isn't actually as bad as it seems. But you know what?"
"What, Dave?"
"You do actually totally need a reboot."
*Click*